Lenore Skenazy

It's the time of year for caroling cheer. Need a fun song? Look down, sing along: 

  'LET IT RAIN!' (To 'Let It Snow!')

Oh, the weather outside is warming / And consensus, it is forming

We'll sing Greta T's refrain: / Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain!

The polar ice caps are shrinking / And the polar bears are sinking

It's 80 degrees in Maine / Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain!

When it finally gets too hot / The oceans will sweep us away

But if you believe they will not-- / Twitter will give you your say! 

Now the glaciers are getting goopy / And the tundra's chicken-soupy

In my Rover I can't complain / Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain!

'RUDOLPH THE BROWN-NOSED REINDEER' (To the tune of ... I think you can guess)

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer / Was the other reindeers' boss

Santa gave him a mansion / The others slept outside on moss

All of the other reindeer / Couldn't help but feel upset, 

After he outsourced Donder / And bought himself a new Corvette

Then one soggy Christmas Eve / Santa came to say: 

"Rudolph, just as you take flight... / Cut my costs by half tonight."

Then all the reindeer shoved him / As they shouted out, "Aieee!"

Christmas day found ol' Rudolph / Stuffed inside a chimney

Stuffed inside a chim-in-ey!

'AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT' ... OF SLEEP (to 'All Through the Night')

Sleep, my child, just pop Lunestas / All through the night

Give sweet dreams to drug investors / All through the night

Ambien should help with snoozing / Or Sonata -- it's confusing

Better still, why not try boozing? / All through the night

'FROSTY THE TRAVELER' (You know what this is to)

Frosty the Traveler was a snowman on the go / With a corncob pipe and a carry-on

And a book on audio 

Frosty the Traveler had a plane to catch that day,

So he stood in line feeling mighty fine / Till he met the TSA

He must've looked suspicious, 'cause he saw the agents frown,

But when he cried, "Don't touch my junk!" / They began to pat him down!

Oh! Frosty the Traveler turned beet-red and danced about, / And the TSA, they all ran away

'Cause the snowman freaked them out / A red snowman freaked them out

Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump, / Agents everywhere!

Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump, / Hey! Don't pat me there!

'THE FIRST PURELL' (to 'The First Noel')

At first Purell was a rarely seen thing / It was something a Howard Hughes nutcase would bring

Then it spread, like Wuhan's worst, to each shop, home and school / As if every door handle were slathered in stool

Purell, Purell, Purell, Purell

Glistens the kingdom of earth with your drool

'I'LL BE BROKE BY CHRISTMAS' (to the tune of 'I'll Be Home for Christmas')

I'll be broke by Christmas / You can count on me

I'll trample on / Somebody's mom

To buy a big TV

Christmas Eve will find me / Where the Netflix beams

I'll be broke by Christmas / Which may explain the screams

It may explain the screams.

Lenore Skenazy is president of Let Grow, a contributing writer at Reason.com, and author of "Has the World Gone Skenazy?"

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash